How to overcome the constant feeling of emptiness

The things that really matter often end up consumed by things that don’t.

Gaurav Badola

It feels like I’m falling apart, and yet no one seems to notice the voices I so clearly hear. I look around, and there’s just me, alone and crippled by this constant feeling of emptiness.

Will it ever feel the same again? I ponder, but nothing seems to come across my mind. As the day fades away and the night approaches, I realize that once again, I’ll be alone. Feeling nothing, except this numbness, and a desire to end it all.

But what if, that feeling had a meaning and purpose, and that it isn’t a problem?
If you’re feeling empty or lost, don’t worry. It happens to everyone. In this post, I’ll tell you how I overcame this constant feeling of emptiness (and how you can too 🙂 ).

What is Emptiness?

We’ve all felt it like there’s a burden on our hearts.
I’ve felt it a million times, this overwhelming feeling of so much at once, and yet nothing of it felt right. Feeling so complicated to explain, I’ve never even found words to express them.
But that doesn’t mean it’s doesn’t exist. It’s the opposite, it’s too much to put it into words.

So, what is this constant feeling of emptiness?

“My answer, it’s the absence of things that really matter.”

It is the culmination of all the things we really need, replaced by superficial things we don’t. But it’s not only that.
Throughout our lives, we force ourselves to be someone others can relate to. So we keep on chasing that picture-perfect regardless of how it makes us feel otherwise. It becomes something we have to do.
I remember the time when all I wanted was acceptance. I will try to blend in a group, becoming somewhat invisible but still a part of a group.
Afraid of being picked by others, I spoke only when necessary, and maintained a low-status quo, all the time believing that it’s right.

Looking back at it, I think I could have done much better or maybe handled things differently. Back then all I wanted was to belong somewhere, someplace, where I can confide in, and rest knowing I had a place to go back to.

But that constant feeling of emptiness never went away. Why?
Because it was never real, it was just something I’d created in my head.

Causes of Emptiness

“It doesn’t matter, the cause of this emptiness if all it does is create a void within. So as soon as I put it into words, it feels like I lack something. Like I’m incomplete, and that there’s something out there that’ll make me feel complete. I hope to find it, forgetting that all the things I lack are something that I’ve created in my own mind. The rest, well it isn’t a pretty world all the time, I guess.”

Gaurav Badola

There are many reasons to explain that constant feeling of emptiness, but not every one of it will apply to you. But that doesn’t mean it’s not real.

Here’s a list of all the reasons I was able to come up with. If you know any other cause, kindly mention it in the comment section below. You’ll end up helping someone I couldn’t 🙂 .

1. Regret or the What ifs

We all have regrets, believe it or not, we all do. Why? Because it’s easier to keep our feelings shut-in then to be truthful about it. It happens every day. Every time you want to confess but choose not to, every time you don’t stand up for yourself even when it feels like your soul has been sucked out. Every time you’re not true to your own feelings, and a whole lot times.

But it’s difficult…? Yes, it is. I’ve had a lot of regrets, I still have some. But I’ve started to understand my own emotions and feelings before someone else’s. This makes me an awful person, I guess, but that’s okay. The thing is, I don’t want to live in a world where I become my own enemy, so I try to be truthful most of the time.

Show your feelings and be more confident in yourself. Most of the what-ifs will die then and there, and it’ll be a load off.
I’m not telling you to insult or hurt someone, I’m saying you just need to do the right thing. Don’t become a victim by playing it safe, you’ll end up regretting it later.

2. Loss of a loved one

“The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.”

Harriet Beecher Stowe

People will come and go, that’s the natural order of life, and there’s nothing you can do about it.
But death is a fickle thing. It creates a void in the hearts of the people who are left behind to deal with that loss. It takes a lot of time to process it, but most of us are never able to come to peace with it.

Why is that?

Because we wait, thinking we’ll have more time ahead to create all those beautiful memories. So we never really show them how much they matter to us. Waiting for the right moment, we forget this is the only moment there ever will be. Rest will be and always has been an illusion we’ve created to comfort ourselves.

Now when they’re not here, there’s something within that keeps on stinging. The pain of not being able to see them again. The guilt of never showing them how much they mattered to us. All that drowns us into a sea of endless despair.

Time never stops, and that might be one of the biggest lessons I can drive home. Don’t wait for the perfect moment. Make this moment perfect, otherwise, like sand, it’ll slip away. And you’ll be left with nothing except this constant feeling of emptiness.

But they’re gone now…. and everything feels empty

If you’ve lost someone, I know any amount of words here won’t be able to describe the way you feel. The constant feeling of emptiness, the confusion, the pain, and the guilt, keeps on piling up. There’s a myriad of emotions that you might be going through. I know you want to find some answers to move forward again.

But the more you’ll avoid the underlying feelings and emotions, the more you’ll lose yourself. There is no other way out of this except embracing all the emotions welling inside of you. There are no quick fixes in the matters of the heart. No matter how much you numb the pain; the scars, and the sting will always remain there.

Embrace your emotions to realize what you could’ve done right, and let go of that trauma. Remember it as a fragrance that remains with you, reminding you of all the blissful memories that you shared.

3. Heartbreak (The heart that just wishes to be heard)

“A heart that has been left alone will either crave a place to belong or find its bearing to become more strong.”

Gaurav Badola

Sadly, most of us never get over it. Heartbreaks are hard, and at times there’s never any closure before ending a relationship. That makes the rejected person feel there’s something wrong with them, leading to self-doubt and a feeling of not being enough.

Yep, it hurts and it should, because it was real. If not, then it was merely a plaything to fulfill our desires. The problem is, our identities change as we go in a relationship, from ‘I’ to ‘we’. As a result, when a breakup happens, we go through a post-identity crisis leading to inner conflict and a constant feeling of emptiness.

It’ll feel like despair has set in, but remember that sometimes the worst at that moment becomes the best thing we could’ve ever hoped for. ‘Why did it happen to me? What I could’ve done better?’ There might be thousands of questions going through your mind, but sometimes the answer is as simple as ‘it wasn’t meant to be.’

Not a remarkable answer, somewhat hard to accept as well. It doesn’t mean they were wrong, or you are. Don’t look for any hidden meaning and leave it at that. Over time it’ll hurt a lot less, giving you a lot more room to grow as an individual.

Take your own time to heal from it, and don’t rush toward another relationship. Allow yourself to feel all those feelings instead of pretending they don’t exist or fighting it.

4. Lack of love

Do you often say you don’t need someone in your life while inside you crave someone who understands your soul and love you for it?

“The one who doesn’t care about anything once cared too much.”

Anonymous

People who are left alone from an early age start believing they are the reason for the mess they see around them. No one ever tells them that they’re loved, cared, and treasured. A part of them always longs for affection and feels that they’re not enough. That lingering feeling of emptiness then grows within them, which no one pays attention to.

As they grow, they take those powerful feelings with them. Every time they get rejected by someone, that feeling grows, and to hide it in, they develop a strong front, a person who doesn’t feel.

But, we all know, there isn’t any person in the whole world who doesn’t feel. Less or more, we all feel, good or bad, happiness or sadness, life or death. Some of us just get better in hiding those emotions.
But it can go only for so long. The shell breaks, and all those years of suffering, emptiness, and pain, starts to appear in our everyday lives. We feel like a walking zombie, unloved by others, alone, and scarred. We become afraid to open up to others due to the dread of getting rejected or we change ourselves to not give a damn about other people.

So what? It’s not like anyone cares…

You’re right about that. All your emotions and feelings are justified, and you have all the reasons to stop caring for others. But it’s time to start moving forward, one step at a time. It’s time to put in the pieces together.
You don’t have to reject all those feelings, in fact, you should remember all of what you’re feeling. Not as a bad dream, but something that shaped you, because a part of you is still stuck in the place where it all started.

Remember that you’re not alone. There’s someone out there who loves you, or so I should say. But instead, I’ll say this, “Become so engrossed in finding yourself that every feeling opens the door to something new.”

The best book you can ever read is the book about Your Life, the one that you’re writing every day. Dive into yourself, and see those patterns, and don’t discard or hate them, embrace them, and then let them go. It’ll take time, but it’ll be beautiful, this journey of self-exploration.

5. A Terminal Disease

Only a percent of the population will relate to this, but the impact it has on those few is immense.
I’ve seen people around me wither away. I’ve also seen laughing faces drowning in misery with their world turned upside-down.

But what about the person who has no hope for a better morrow, what can we say about them? The ones who are just lying at the end with a smile or a frown, waiting for the oblivion.

Recently, someone close to me died, well we all knew that he didn’t have much longer, but still, hope was always there. I could see in his eyes the pain as his body slowly deteriorated. And yet, we couldn’t do anything except being there for him.

The Battle Within

Living with a disease is complicated. You’re treated differently. You mature early, and things that other people like doesn’t seem to interest you. But it isn’t just that, the world feels different. Sometimes in shades of grey, at other times, it pours down, making us realize how powerless we are in the grand scheme of things.

The constant feeling of emptiness shrouds the heart, and the reality fades away. All the things you thought meant to you don’t matter anymore, and all those things that felt like bullshit bring peace to your mind somehow. Neither materialistic things nor social accolades matter anymore, the only thing you seek is peace.

But there’s still something you have to do, right? In this jumbled up maze, you’re in right now, there are still things you want to do. The things that really matter and are feasible. So for now, why not try a new cuisine, or call the friend you haven’t called for months or years. Why not tell your loved ones how much you love them? Why not just go about enjoying your day to the fullest doing things you always wanted but never had the time for?

I’ll not tell you to have faith or hope or something like that, because you also know it as well as I do. You cannot wait for a miracle, that’s just like wasting the little amount of time you have left. But instead, I’ll tell you this, close your eyes, and take a deep breath. Now think what is it that you want to be remembered for (as a human being), and then do exactly just that.

Ways to Deal with Emptiness

Dealing with emptiness is tough, due to a feedback loop of not enough being continuously reinforced by your mind. Still, it’s possible to reduce the feeling or entirely remove it.
But, you need to know that feeling empty is not wrong, I’ll talk more about it later below.
For now, I’ll tell you ways that’d worked for me over the years. Some are tested and true, others well not so much, but they work, that’s what I know. And if they’ve worked for you too, please comment below and let everyone know so that others feel comfortable knowing they work.

1. The Power of Meditation

I’m not a Yogi, nor do I claim to be proficient in dealing with the world. I’m also a nervous wreck sometimes, well, it has gone down a lotttt.
But from the past ten months or so, I’ve started meditating, and the results have been amazing. My stress level went down, and I started experiencing mindfulness in bits and pieces.

Remember, meditation is not something that’ll magically get rid of all of your difficulties but provided enough time, you’ll realize most of your problems actually aren’t real. It gives you a chance to let go of all the burden and stress. It isn’t about perfection, it’s about consistency (I can’t stress that enough).
You don’t need an hour or two to meditate, just 20 mins a day (in 24hrs) is enough. And we all have 20mins, I guess, but if you don’t have a minute to spare, I have listed other ways as well.

2. Put that social-media away

I mean it, and in no way, it’ll help you if you’re trying to understand the underlying emotions you’re feeling.
Most of us use social media to post pictures to impress people who don’t care (even a bit).
If you’re like most people, chances are you use social media because everyone in your circle does, or because it’s a trend. What started as a way to let people connect with each other has become a platform for people to compare each other. But, here’s the thing, comparison breeds insecurity, and that in turn, brings about a constant feeling of emptiness.

Maybe the picture-perfect is broken, perhaps it’s time to change the norm.
By the way, I am not using any platform right now, and I don’t feel like I’m missing out on something. A break once in a while to reaffirm your moral compass is essential. And if you feel like you’d be left out, remember the people who care will always stay and those who don’t, well they never will, no matter what you do.

YOU ARE IMPORTANT!! YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA IS NOT!!

3. Face the questions you’re trying to avoid

I realized it a lot later but playing the victim card never works. It’ll only bring a sense of validation from others.

But the thing is, no one really cares.
After any life-changing event, almost all of us drown ourselves in overwork or in misery. It’s okay to be sad, angry, frustrated, and even confused. Sadly, some of us don’t even allow these emotions.
We keep on piling this burden without even allowing us to express ourselves.

For the most part of my life, I attributed all my problems to someone else, and I did it for many good years. I used to feel so sorry for myself. But I never really stopped to ask myself what’s making me feel miserable.

I realized later that it doesn’t help at all if all an event does is make you feel miserable. Is it easy? No, hell no. But if you won’t sit down with yourself and ask the hard questions, you’ll never be able to move ahead.

Don’t torment yourself on what had already happened. Don’t question your worth by the what-ifs and not. It won’t change a thing. But reflecting on yourself will do, and that requires asking the questions and sitting with those feelings and figuring them out. ‘Are you up for it?’

4. Find a Hobby

It’s a given, and you might have heard it from your friends, family, or the neighbor who doesn’t seem to leave you alone. It could also be that you’ve heard about it so much that you feel irritated even hearing about it (I’m just a passerby, please don’t kill me).

Hobbies, hobbies, hobbies, what the hell, leave me alone, or something along those lines. I didn’t use to have any hobbies, because who has time for those crap. Instead, I used to come home from college, miserable as I was, and drown myself in movies or shows, and tell my friends the next day how boring my life is.

And the problem was, no one in my circle had a hobby, so I believed this is how everyone lives.

After my life literally got upside-down, and I had no choice but to change, I picked up the thing most close to me or anyone, books. I started reading mystery and adventure novels which made me realize that the world is a much bigger place than I’d envisioned in my mind.

Now, after more than 2 years, I still read books, but I’ve expanded my hobbies, including guitar and writing, things which I’d always wanted to do, but never had the time for (according to my busy schedule 😐 )

It doesn’t have to be extraordinary, it’s just some time doing what you love. It can be a stroll in nature, gardening, music, dancing, anything which you like, and the amazing thing, no one needs to know it.
And if you feel like you don’t have anything you prefer, then it’s time to experiment with new things. Thinking whether you’ll like doing something or not will not lead you anywhere. But trying things out will surely do.

5. Stop trying to be everyone’s favorite

“I looked back and realized that my whole world has become a mirage for others to see their footprints. But, when I look at it, it seems like a prison with my self locked in. It feels horrendous and yet, I keep that mirage because that’s what we all do, not realizing the sleep we lose every day for people who’ll walk right by us the moment we free ourselves.”

Gaurav Badola

The world might like you, heck they may even sing your praises, but at the end of the day, if you’re not comfortable being the person that you are, it doesn’t matter.
Yess, everyone in your age-group does it, even though they say they don’t. The pretty girl, the cool jock, or even the gorgeous model, we all do it, consciously or unconsciously.
But you cannot make everyone happy. Why? Because it’s not your job. Your job is to make yourself happy, and that, in turn, will make the people around you happy (the ones who care).

I know it all too well, the feeling of making every other person like me, but I ended up being miserable. I realized later that the people I’m chasing are busy chasing someone else, and in that sense, we all are the same.
But you don’t have to be. Remind yourself of things that make you feel shit and things that make you happy. Do this, and you’ll realize the trap you’re in.

6. Let it be (Sometimes not doing anything helps…)

Yeah, you heard it right. When you’ve done everything you could’ve possibly done, and still nothing makes sense, then it’s time to leave it.

There are some moments in our lives where not doing anything might be the best that you can do at that moment. When someone close to us passes away, or something terrible happens, the natural course will be to make ourselves so busy that there won’t be any time to think about it.

To evade that feeling, some of us drown ourselves in alcohol, some in overtime, and some in denial. At times like these, the best therapy is solace, as it allows us to feel what we’re going through.

It is the most stressful thing in the world, because a person might win against the whole world, but alone, even that person can break apart. It’ll feel like all the doors have been closed, and nothing will feel right. In fact, it’ll feel like something is eating you up, devouring you from within. That constant feeling of emptiness will slowly sink in, making you feeling nothing and everything at the same time.

But I can assure you it won’t be the same.

Time will flow again for you, just like it did for me, and you’ll grow from those emotions the way you never thought you would. The chains you believe you’re locked onto will become the keys of your freedom.

Final Thoughts

Marvelous work on reading this entire post (it was long….). You made it through, yay. Future posts won’t be this long (I’ll try).
If you want to understand why emptiness matters sometimes, you will surely love this post here.

In my life, what I’ve learned is this, “emptiness can never be removed, it’s impossible.” That’s why I titled my post ‘How to overcome the constant feeling of emptiness’ because it’s something you will face time and time again.

But what I know is this, we humans have a powerful ability, and that is, we thrive under pressure and problems.

It’s not a race. We’re just running in circles, which has been laid onto us by impossible expectations and social norms. It gets better, and what seems like impossible will become the pillar you’ll lean on.
Before I go, make sure to subscribe to my blog.
Drop a comment below and let me know how you overcame it, and if you’re stuck, we’ll be able to find a way out. Cheers 🙂