7 practical ways to get better at dealing with emptiness

“Full of the cosmos, empty of a separate self.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

A while back, I wrote a post where I talked about emptiness, explaining its essence and its origin in our lives. I also talked about a few ways about how we can overcome that feeling. Looking at that post now, I realized I could have done much better at breaking up the pointers into easy-to-use pieces.
So, in this post, I’ll share 7 practical ways to get better at dealing with emptiness. All of these come directly from my first-hand experience, so I know they work.

But before we jump at it, I want you to get acquainted with what emptiness feels like, and why do we even feel it.

Personally, I’ve felt emptiness whenever I don’t permit myself to feel whatever I’m going through – both good and bad. It’s like I’m denying a part of myself just to fit in, which makes me feel more left out.

And now, you’re thinking, ‘Hey, I’ve also felt that way, but there’s more to it. Even when everything is going right, I sometimes feel empty and lost as well.’
Why is that?

There are many reasons we feel empty. As a matter of fact, counting reasons for emptiness would be like counting the number of stars in the sky.

But there’s a catch. Most often emptiness stems up from one of the following reasons below:

1. Suppressing Emotions (meaning from a very young age, you had to be a certain way or act in a specific manner, which made you discard some emotions.
However, as you started growing, those pent up emotions started to resurface, leading to conflict and identity crisis)

2. The endless need for external validation (which might stem from numerous factors including social circle, or a troubled childhood, or a traumatic event)

3. Lack of Purpose or direction (I won’t be going into the details since it’s a whole topic in and of itself but the gist is, when you have a clear sense of direction, you generally feel great and confident, which makes you happy)

The journey towards a place of calm and balance can be daunting, filled with traps and rebounds all over the place. But it gets better over time, and to ease your journey, here are 7 ways you can use right now to start dealing with emptiness.

Gently acknowledge your feelings/emotions 

There is a reason why we have emotions. They act as our guide and let us steer in the right direction if observed carefully and mindfully. But, in the society we live in, there is generally a set of things you are allowed to be and feel.

Here’s what I mean: Emotions are binary, at least that’s what we, as humans perceive on a larger scale. We have boxes, and based on our environment, we start filling our boxes.

Your box might look something like this:

So, what’s my point with this?

Your unconscious boxes are making your conscious life suffer. Because there’s a label in your mind, you feel having one emotion makes you good and the other, bad.
It certainly makes life easier for your brain.

There’s just one problem.

Life doesn’t work in a binary state. Emotions arise to make you aware of your surroundings and feelings and help you process them.

I think you’ll agree with me when I say that sometimes emotions and feelings become a little too much. When emotions take center stage, sometimes nothing else except running away comes to mind. And then it’s a circle again, of emotions wreaking havoc, and you, continually running away from them.

But there’s a way out of it.

Healing starts with acceptance, and no matter the amount of emptiness you’re feeling, confining your feelings in a box, and running away from it is hardly ever the solution. It will only result in pain and suffering.

Acknowledging your feelings means that you accept whatever emotions you go through. You don’t run away from the feeling, nor do you hold onto it. You just gently acknowledge their existence and then return to whatever you were doing at that time.

Practice a Self-love routine

You might have a routine for your work, or for posting on social media, or to stalk your ex (we’ve all been there, haven’t we).
But if you’re serious about it, I will highly recommend a self-love routine, which will require just 10 mins of your day.

Here’s why this is important. Not only does it let you take out a few moments for yourself, but it also keeps you in good spirits.

So what does a self-love routine look like?

A self-love routine is a very personal thing. I can’t emphasize how important it is. You can read all you want, but what works for me might not work for you, and that’s completely fine.

Create a routine that works for you.

For Example, I generally start my day with around 30 mins of meditation, allowing my thoughts and feelings to become grounded. Then I read a book for about 10-15 mins after that.

Similarly, I meditate before I go to sleep as well. Alongside that, I generally listen to old classics from Chopin, Mozart, Liszt, or Beethoven.

Now, this is super important.

During my morning/night routine, I keep my phone in DND mode, so that I allow myself the space and attention my body rightfully deserves (switch it off if it creates more distraction than good).

Letting my emotions take a breath and giving myself some ‘Me’ time has allowed me to navigate some terrible stretches in my life quite goodly.

Anything counts as long as it makes you happy (binge-watching shows and playing games doesn’t count, *chuckles).

You see my point, right?
Now go and make your own self-love routine and share it with me in the comment section below.

Slow Down already

What does a normal working-class person routine look like? Definitely not your run-of-the-mill kind of day.

Take Christer’s day, for example…

A Software Developer, he generally receives around 20 e-mails a day. Coupled with that, he has about 2-3 meetings a day. He works about 50 hours a week, 10 hours a day, on average.
At every moment, it seems like there’s something that needs his attention. Reports, meetings, coding, there just isn’t enough time.

As if that’s not enough, his phone continuously keeps on ringing, drawing his attention to the outside world. Coming home, he feels unfulfilled and lost, rushing to see if he hasn’t missed something or not.

Feels similar?

There’s an emphasis in our society for getting things done as quickly as possible. Now, sure this has made us feel like we can multi-task, and get multiple things done at once.

There’s just one problem.

Running from task to task only creates gaps within your heart leading to instant gratification and unease. It can become a pure vicious feedback loop where you start equating your worth to how much work you’ve completed (or how many items you were able to cross off).

Not only slowing down helps you to be present, but it also lets you breathe easy knowing there’s nowhere to rush off to.

With your mind glued onto just one thing, you allow yourself the pleasure of looking at things you would’ve rather missed.
That Sunset at the beach, the chirping of birds, the cool evening breeze, the feet touching the sand on a beach, the short walk back from office, or that cozy conversation with someone you love.

Don’t just rush it in. Feel it. It’s the small things in life that make the utmost difference at the end.

To sum it up, here’s what I mean:

Instead of adding things to your list, try removing some of them. 

Use that time to do the remaining work slowly and happily. If you feel a task will take half-an-hour, take an hour for it. Use that spare time to appreciate your surroundings and sync with yourself. Maybe you’ll find your lost spark again.

Sound good? Let me know in the comments section below.

Start investing in yourself

Investing in yourself is the highest form of self-love out there.

And now, you might be thinking, ‘What do you mean by that? And how is it going to help me?’

Let me walk you through two types of investments we make in our lives.

First, the one which fulfills our ego. Be it chasing others, or making others happy at the cost of our own sanity, or living our lives through others lens.
These are all ego investments, which makes you feel good on the outside until it starts becoming an addiction, and an unpleasant one at that.

There is another type of investment, the one which brings clarity and direction in the long run, just like mutual funds *chuckles (btw, it’s not subject to market risks).

I’m talking about Inner Investments.

But what exactly do I mean by Inner investments?

Inner investments comprise of contemplation, dedication, and patience.

Contemplation on what you really want to do, and how it’s going to help you and others. Spend quite an ample amount of time on it. Before selecting the answer, ask yourself, ‘In which way is it going to improve me? What will happen if it doesn’t work out?’

Chances are your answer might be somewhere like this,

1. It’ll make me look modern and also, people are going to see me in a new light. Hesitancy in answering the second question.

2. I just want to try this out, I’ve always wanted to do this. It’s okay even if it won’t work out, I’ll just try something new.

3. I’ll spend more time on this thing (playing guitar, writing, networking, creating videos, etc), and I want to become better at this. Even if the whole world thinks it isn’t worth it, it matters to me. And that’s all that matters.

Answers 2 and 3 are a pretty good place to start. Answer 1 is an example of ego investment.
Sound good?

Now we head to the second stage.

Once you’ve found your answer, now you dedicate your time and energy to it. You don’t need to spend 10-12 hrs on it, even a single or two hours a day is enough.
Here consistency matters more than anything.

Playing guitar 10 hours a day on weekends won’t do you good, but spending 1hr every day will work wonders on your skill.

Third, and the most important stage.

Have the patience to let things flow at their own pace.

It won’t change in a week, month, or even years. But slowly, you’ll start to find improvements in every aspect of your life.
And that emptiness will slowly fade away.

Remember, you’re as good as the amount of time you invest in yourself. The more you invest in yourself, the more you’ll find things to work upon. And as you work on yourself, the universe will surely respond to that will.

Find a channel to express your feelings

A lot of people might tell you to shrug off your feelings and move on. Their idea of dealing with emptiness coincides with the belief that it’s wrong to feel these things.

The truth is far from that.

Expressing your feelings and emotions is one of the healthiest and fastest ways to manage emptiness and anxiety, or any negative emotion for that matter.

So how does it work?

It works by giving your anxiety and emptiness an outlet, channeling it in the right manner. So, thoughts and emotions, which previously used to stir up all sorts of past trauma and feelings of nothingness, will now let you see the bigger picture.

The bigger picture here, being the things that need to change.

Here’s what I do.
Whenever I have a bad day, or I see something that triggers past trauma or anxieties, I make it a point to jot my fear, emotions, and feelings down in my journal. No matter whether it’s small or big.

If nothing happens, then also I jot down my feelings in my journal, at least once in a week.

And if an emotion or a feeling keeps on arising regularly, and I see it in my journal, I start to keep a tab of when and why it appears. I note it down as well.
It helps me to come back to that feeling later and see it in an open, calm, and transparent manner.

Now, if you’re not a writing buff as I’m, audio journaling works as well. The point is to keep a tab on your daily feelings so that when you’re going to sleep at the end of the day, those feelings don’t get the better of you.

If you don’t go through bouts of depression like I did, you can also make it a weekly thing, where you describe your raw feelings, emotions, aspirations, someone you adore, anything you felt.

It might not feel like a big thing in and of itself, but trust me, it makes a difference. Combine it with a Self-love routine, and you’ll see how powerful it is.

Sometimes the smallest change makes the biggest difference. Remember that.

See the bigger picture

Here’s something we can both agree on: Having a goal is like adrenaline, it lets you surpass your physical and emotional limits, and keeps you focused and happy.

But there’s a caveat.

As with everything, pursuing a goal comes with its own set of insecurities. Sure there are going to be disappointments and failures, but what most of us don’t do is see the bigger picture.

But wait, there’s more. No matter how indomitable your spirit might be, obstacles and self-doubt can make anyone grow complacent. It’s not like you’re not growing, you’re not growing in comparison to everyone else out there.

And that breeds insecurity and evokes a layer of deep-seated fear. But, if you have a point of reference or a bigger goal, you’re much more likely to find your foot back in the door again.

Let me show you how a bigger goal might help you.

A few years ago, I used to write my Insta posts to gather an audience. Sure, who doesn’t want a massive audience? You feel in control, and it also fulfills your ego. But I had no broader goal, nothing of that sort.

And so everything fell apart, and I fell into the clutches of depression. With no goal in sight, I stopped posting and uninstalled Instagram. I felt empty just by thinking about it.

And I believe it happens with a lot of us, and not just on social media, but in life as well.

Meanwhile, in the downtime, I realized something.

The problem wasn’t writing or posting content on social media, it was the lack of direction/purpose of posting it. Now, every post takes on a topic, important to me, which aligns with my goal as well. I’m able to put more effort into creating it, and it also feels like I’m able to help others as well.

The trick is to see the bigger picture whenever you feel you aren’t going anywhere. Trust me, it’ll help you find your direction.

Do you have a mission statement? What does it look like? Tell me in the comments section below?

Create a Network of Like-Minded People

Before I start writing about this, I’ll be upfront.
I don’t have a network of like-minded people.

So why am I advocating it?

The thing is, from an early age, whenever I tried reaching out to somebody, I faced utter scrutiny and disappointment. So, I equated reaching out to others as a mark of weakness. And I shut myself in.
Matter of fact, I still do it from time to time.

But it’s far from reality.

What didn’t work for me doesn’t mean it won’t work for anyone. Having a close-knitted group can help you move forward and support you in times of crisis and happiness.

But where can you find such people?

My advice, which I personally use all the time, is to spread value and love as much as possible. If your intentions are right, you’re going to find the right people for you.

People think it’s about give-and-take. I think the mindset should be of compassion and tenderness. That is, you do what you rightly feel. And, for the sake of god, don’t keep scores.

Building friendships from the ground takes patience, nurturing, and effort.
It’s 100% possible.

P.S. It’s not like I don’t talk to anyone. The advice I’ve mentioned above is the same I’ve been using myself, and I’ve been able to form deep meaningful connections through it.

Final Thoughts…

Emptiness isn’t a hungry wolf. It’s just your body’s reaction when things don’t feel right for a long period of time.

Feeling it from time to time isn’t wrong either, it lets you align with what is important to you.

But, if you are going through long bouts of depression, try finding out the reasons you might be feeling it, and come to this post over and over again.

If you are not able to manage it, go see a therapist and figure out the underlying reasons behind it. Trust me, you won’t regret it.

Dealing with emptiness isn’t a one-time effort. It’s a long process, so remember to be compassionate, kind, and patient towards yourself in this journey.

What are the areas in your life that are contributing to your emptiness? And what are the steps you are using to rise out of it? Leave a comment below and share your thoughts below.

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