“When we stop looking at things and begin looking at ourselves, the world starts to open doors to places you never knew existed, places deep within you. The true essence of life is to find those places and give them space and room to breathe.”
Gaurav Badola
I’ve always found myself wondering what’s emptiness like for others. I used to think that I’m a freak for feeling this thing, cause everyone seemed like they’ve got it all figured out.
How wrong I was.
As I came out of my world, I noticed grey clouds hovering over the whole world, drowning all of us into a sea called emptiness. Sometimes, the eyes told me of the hurricane that’s been sealed within, at other times, it was the constant buzzing notification, and the dismay when it was not from the one they longed for.
Amidst all this, I realized that It’s impossible to feel happy all the time. Sometimes things do suck, and you can’t do anything about it. But should we be happy all the time, or is there a meaning behind this emptiness?
So, I used myself as a test-case scenario to understand the true essence of life.
I won’t be talking about the causes of emptiness, cause I’ve already written a thorough post about it here.
The True Essence Of Life
“The emptiness I kept on running away from stripped the layers of superficiality I’ve always longed for by showing me a world where I can be me, and rest knowing that it’s enough just being me.”
Gaurav Badola
Emptiness, in a nutshell, is just your body’s way of saying that there’s something wrong.
I used to wonder why I have this uneasy feeling throughout my day, which just kept on getting bigger and bigger. I was doing everything I was told to do and be, following the footsteps laid down by my parents.
As the days turned into months and then years, this flicker of restlessness started defining my everyday life.
I didn’t know what I was feeling, so I never told anyone. And that’s the thing with Mental Health, we never tell anyone what’s happening beneath that smile.
After a while (few years), I totally lost all my confidence talking to others. It became so worse that I dreaded going to school. If I can go back to that time and do just one thing, it’ll to embrace my past-self and say, ‘Everything’s gonna be okay, buddy. I’m here for you.’
So, 5 years ago, I started this journey to understand myself. I realized all of what I’m feeling is just my body’s way of saying, ‘Dude, this is not the right way.’ In other words, this isn’t fulfilling.
Where does emptiness come into the picture?
Emptiness means an empty space, the state of containing nothing (according to google’s dictionary).
A child doesn’t have an empty space, it’s always brimming with light and sincerity. But due to many circumstances, the world makes us realize why we all yearn to be a child again.
Since we can’t be sincere (most of the time), most of us start to accept the world in all its tainted glory (which is somewhat useful as well). Embracing reality is one thing, but destroying or neglecting things close to our heart, only end up creating that empty space within, or the so-called emptiness.
Still, we keep on moving forward despite all the nudges from our hearts, fueling this feeling towards desperation. After a while, it becomes so hard that every day becomes a battlefield where no matter who wins, ultimately, the one who loses is you.
After uncovering the true essence of life, I realized that in this mad chase of fame and acknowledgment, I’ve forgotten the most essential aspect of life, my heart.
And thus began my journey of finding all those self-harming patterns which I’ve become accustomed to, amidst all the voices screaming how badly I’ll fail. But, I kept on going, not because I’m super-cool (I am.. a little bit, okay) or anything, I just didn’t have any other choice, nor I had anything to lose.
Why does it even matter?
I asked myself the same question 5 years ago, and after being drowned over and over again in a pool of anxiety and fear, I realized it does matter.
I’ve learned that matters of the heart cannot be suppressed for long. Sooner or later, it’ll start to take control of your everyday lives. If left unchecked, the same feelings tend to become destructive in nature.
You’ll find yourself lost in thoughts, at times consumed by fear, and other times, it’ll rain, making you feel so much that it’ll bleed, blurring your world.
I’ve been there, at the same place where you are right now. Sometimes I still stand there when the lines get blurred but, after so many years of scars and bruises itched deep within, I’ve realized that my inner world needs space to breathe just like me.
Perhaps you’re better at managing emotions, maybe you don’t need any healing but, a little bit of time to understand your emotional needs goes a long way.
The victim card
I don’t know about you, but I’ve played the victim card numerous times in my life.
I used to attribute every wrong thing in my life to an event or a person. I’m single because I’m in the wrong group, I’m unhappy because no one spends time with me, I’m shy because I was bullied (blah blah blah).
We can all play the victim card because first, it’s real, those events did occur, and second, they make us feel better, cause the fault is someone else’s.
The problem, it doesn’t solve anything. It just lets you breathe easy, for the time being until something else crops up.
Life may deal you a bad hand, or take away a good hand you were already dealt with, but now it’s up to you to determine how you’re going to play with them, how you’re going to define your life.
For a big part of my life, all of my uneasiness, anxiety, depression, fear, unhappiness, I attributed it to others. I never saw it as a part of me that needed healing from all the past traumas and scars.
Why? Because I was terrified.
You know what I was really terrified of?
I already knew, deep down that, I’m responsible for all this mess I’m in. Sooner or later, I had the power to be accountable to myself, but I chose not to. The thought of knowing that I can change my life, and be happy, scared me. So I lived in denial, hoping the world around will change and accommodate me.
I was afraid to change since I’ll lose all of these superficial relationships, along with this identity that has served me for ages. So I kept the same facade.
But aren’t we all the same.
We all walk this earth, hoping someone will enlighten our day and brighten up our mood. Maybe today she’ll notice me, maybe that person won’t come today, perhaps I won’t be bullied today. At the end of the day, we feel rejected, yet again. We feel disheartened when things don’t work out, things which are out of our reach, and attribute the same to us not being worthy enough to have the good things in life.
It changes at once, as soon as you start walking towards your darkest fears, and accept them as part of you, not living in denial of it. The victim card works, but only for so long until you realize that all those people never really cared about you, to begin with. They were dealing with their own mess, with the cards they’ve been dealt with.
So how can I go about realizing it?
Embrace the story you’re running away from
I still remember that day, it was raining fiercely, and I was alone. Never in my life, I had felt that bitter and empty, both at the same time. The rain lifted the fog that day, clearing the skies and making me breathe a little easier.
It wasn’t a miracle, it never is. It wasn’t like, one moment, I was in the dumps, and the next moment, I became the person who has it all under control. There were a lot of obstacles along the way, and It was a lengthy transition, but at that moment, I made a promise to myself.
A promise to never run away from who I am again, and embrace it as a part of me. And that changed things, I started to make things less about people and more about me. I realized that my inner state needs the same care and pampering like me.
Did you fail again?
Yep, I did. A lot of times, actually. It isn’t that easy, and that’s why many people never go through the trouble of understanding themselves because failures loom large, and more in between. And success, well, few in between.
So why bother at all?
Because ultimately, you’ll walk away from everything that makes you doubt yourself. You’ll know when to walk away from things that don’t serve you, without any guilt or fear. And it’ll be the most liberating moment ever. The voice you lived in fear of will become the tool to navigate your life.
Will I make it?
Yes, without a doubt. I know, for a fact, that no one is born different. We’re all looking for something which can act as a signpost for us, giving us the way when things go wrong. So we hold onto them, not letting them go, even when they fulfill their purpose.
Your emptiness isn’t there to take everything away from you. It’s there to help you grow and realize your spark again.
Wait, does that mean emptiness is a sign?
There are many reasons for emptiness, but almost everyone points towards one thing. That is, purposelessness, or in other words, life has lost its meaning.
It has grown tired of the facade you’re playing, and it wants you to straighten up and do something meaningful.
In Viktor Frankl’s words, “Life is not primarily a quest for pleasure, as Freud believed, or a quest for power, as Alfred Adler taught, but a quest for meaning. The greatest task for any person is to find meaning in his or her life.”
Emptiness is just your body’s way of saying, ‘I am tired of this, I can’t take this anymore. I feel stuck in here, just hear me out, one time at least.’ But we shut the door right at it, the same way we slam the door when we see that weird neighbor who acts too friendly.
But I feel it, from time to time…
It isn’t wrong to feel it, from time to time, and in fact, I believe it’s one of the incredible feelings bestowed upon us. It’s a mechanism to get us back on track towards something meaningful for us.
Like any physical injury, it takes time and space to heal, and it varies from person to person. It took me many years to get comfortable with the idea of being me, and it has not been a smooth journey.
There were doubts, frustration, and patterns that were so strongly engraved, questioning my every move, amidst the voice that kept on screaming, ‘You won’t make it.’ But still, I kept on moving forward.
And then, something happened. Soon, the voices started subsiding, and I found a new meaning in life. The world which seemed covered in grey skies began moving again. It felt right, being me, not in the shadow of someone else. I realized that the true essence of life is to listen to the voice you’re living in fear of, embrace it and find the things that give you meaning.
We all have the power to move forward again. The question is, will you take the plunge and move ahead?
I hope you do.
Final Thoughts
Living a life filled with meaning is one of the most beautiful things anyone can ever have. It doesn’t have to be a grand thing, nor does it have to be hard. It should make you happy and put your heart at ease.
Again, If you’re looking to overcome emptiness and find its causes, I’ve written a thorough post here. If you have read this and loved it, I know you’ll love that post as well.
I hope this post was able to bring some value to you. If you’ve gone through something like this before, kindly mention it in the comment section below. I’ll love to hear your story.
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fantastic blog,,,