The thing about being lost… (Why it’s okay to Feel Lost And how to find your way again)

The thing about being lost is that you feel confined within your own skin. You want to break out, but there's something that feels incomplete within.

“These walls I find myself in, I’ve always tried to get out of them. I’ve always wanted to find my ideal ‘I,’ the one who’ll have it all figured out, the one who’ll be my knight in shining armor. My Ideal ‘I.’ Yet the more I run towards it, the more it feels like I’m running away from it. Every ‘I’ I saw along the way felt incomplete in some way. So I feel lost and empty. And that’s the thing about being lost, you’ll never find your ideal ‘I.'”

Gaurav Badola

I’ve always wondered what I wanted to do in life. ‘Wondered’ might be an oversimplification. Anxious and Depressed sounds much closer.

All my life, I’ve sought to find my own truth.

Not in a way I climbed up the Himalayas and became a monk, that would’ve been cool though, right. But I would often find myself day in and day out, lost as to who I am, and what am I doing? I used to be so confused, which agitated me, the problem being, ‘why am I confused?’

The biggest thing, it was all in my head. And that used to make me feel sad and confused (I’m kinda laughing while writing this).

I know many of you don’t have it this bad. I used to, so this post will be all about how I got better at navigating the rough stretches in my life.
If you’ve some stories of how you overcame it, I’ll love to hear it in the comments section.

The thing with being lost

“I’ve tried to be you, and I’ve failed, but there’s something about you that feels complete to me, so I end up chasing it, even though I know it’s non-existent. The reason to become “you” makes me lose the “I” I’ve been trying to find in you. The only thing I forget over and over is that you’re also trying to find “you” in someone else, and in that sense, we’ll never discover the “I” we all have been looking for.”

Gaurav Badola

I’m lost… these are one of the most powerful words ever written. Not in the sense they are unique or whatnot. 

But the power behind those words, once recognized, and affirmed is remarkable. Even before that, the humility to accept that you’re truly lost requires a lot of courage that only a few can muster.

So if you feel lost, don’t fret. We all get lost sometimes, but if you’ve acknowledged it, you’re already in the right direction.

The thing with being lost is just what it sounds like, you feel trapped in your world. Somewhere along the way, you got lost. The reasons could be numerous, ranging from societal expectations to a desire to be something based on others’ perspectives.

No matter how much self-aware you are, these things somewhat get to you, and once seeped in, even a small grain of doubt has the potential to ruin your whole day. It stirs up your inside, giving rise to so many questions, questions you never thought about, and answers you thought doesn’t matter.

The last time I got lost, I do remember it. It was just recently, well a day before today. So yeah, I remember it. And did it make me sad? Yes, it did. I felt terrible, I felt empty, and I felt like running. Yet, I stayed.

I had just come home, and I was tired. I went to an event recently alone (yeah, no one came with me, so duh). Here, I’m alone in a crowd filled with thousands of people, and everywhere I looked, I found people cuddling, smiling, and talking. That dreadful tape started playing in my head again, reminding me of how lonely I’m, and how I should go back home and disappear. It took me some time to take back control of my thoughts, but I know how difficult it is to navigate your life when you start feeling disconnected.

It was just one of the many instances where I’ve felt lost and not in sync with myself. This wasn’t the first time, and I know it won’t be the last.

The Underlying Problem

The thing about not being in control is that it’s freaking scary. It’s like you’re on autopilot, and suddenly find yourself lost in a sea of anxiety and restlessness.

But over the years, we develop our own coping mechanism. Some of us start drinking in hopes of avoiding that feeling, some of us start running away from it. Some of us start telling themselves that it’s just how it is, and the rest, well feel it doesn’t matter.

But if you’re checking this article, I know that you’re also lost, and want to find a way out. Don’t worry, I got you.

“The reason you’re lost is that you’re not aligned with your true nature.” And, that is the short answer. I know it’s kinda vague since most of us don’t know what our true nature is.

I didn’t, so I don’t expect someone else to know.

When we’re kids, we’ve got an uninhibited world view. We go out, make a fool out of yourselves, and still feel on top of the world. Gosh, I miss that freedom.

Now, as we grow up, things start changing. Our world view starts to change, in other words, it is revised by our marvelous education system (sarcastic cough…). And then we find these walls around us, shaped by none other than people around us. Walls that makes us feel at unease with ourselves, walls that strip our joy.

We feel miserable. Miserable for being stuck at this place, and sad for feeling this way. Trust me; I know what that feels like.

I felt lost as an introvert, as a sensitive human being finding my true home. It felt so wrong to see others find their footing in the world, while I’m here, totally lost and confused. All I could see was glitter and happiness in their eyes, while my eyes reeked of raging seas enveloped within a storm, afraid of the world.

I saw pain within me, but I never embraced it. I thought of it as a broken piece of no use. 

How wrong I was :).

So what did I do?

I ran away. To meld within the world, I ran away from myself. And I did it for a good decade and so.

For more than a decade, I tried to ignore all of these feelings, suppressing them with mundane activities, sometimes filling my schedule with so much nonsense just to avoid that feeling.  I started focusing on instant gratification more than long-lasting peace. I felt like I’m in control, but oh boy, I was so freaking lost, I just didn’t want to admit it.

There’s pain within you that you’re avoiding as well. You think you’re wrong for feeling this way. You want to get rid of it and be in control again. I know it’s difficult, but remember there’s no shame in it. Just like one of my favorite quotes by John Green, “That’s the thing about painIt demands to be felt.

Some of us hate our jobs, but like the idea of it (I do), some of us hate the way our life is, but like the superficiality it gives us. Some of us like the perks of being stuck then losing their way within. We all get stuck, and I have no shame in admitting that I feel lost every now and then. Absolutely no.
But I’m working on it. And you can, too.

The biggest question I had was, “What the hell are you going to do then?” What do you love so much that you’ll give everything away just for the sake of doing it? And that’s a difficult question.

So let me rephrase, “What puts your heart at ease? In short, your happy place.”

It’s scary, I know. But it’s okay. Because it’s a good thing. Let me show you why.

Why It’s Okay To Feel Lost?

To be lost means we're just not aligned with our true nature. There's no problem in being lost.

It’s better than going in circles. 

Everything that you’re feeling has a reason behind it. All feelings arise to show you something about yourself and your life.

The thing about being lost is that most of us know that we’re lost. We just don’t want to accept it, or we’re so much oblivious to our own feelings that we don’t give it a second thought.

Often in life, we are running so hard that we don’t realize where we’re heading. But stopping here means we allow others to pass through, and that scares us. So we keep on running, even when our whole body starts screaming ‘NO,’ until we burnout.

Stopping midway is scary as well. There’s this fear of being left behind, and even if for a moment, we break free from it, all these voices make us realize how powerless we are.

Sooner or later, that voice will become too loud for you to run away from. “The things that we feel don’t matter often end up mattering the most.” 

Maybe all your life you’ve lived through someone else’s eyes.
Perhaps you’ve given too much thought to what others might think without asking yourself whether it matters to you or not.
Perhaps you’re too much worried about the past and too anxious regarding the future.

There might be too many ‘maybe’s’ for you to think about. But accepting that you’re messed up opens the door to new insights and a new beginning.

Remember that child I talked about earlier? Yeah, that should be the goal. But I’m getting way ahead.

So I’m messed up, I get it, but what can I do to find that spark?

Glad you asked. The goal here is to be curious about your feelings. That is, to not run away from it, instead, run towards it. It’s to become so much comfortable with your own thoughts that you’re able to hear the silent voice within you.

It’s to be able to sit along with your thoughts with a curious mind, with a genuine yearning of understanding it. Treat those thoughts like the waves, you ride the ones that help you sail smoothly, you avoid the ones that drown you.

Avoiding thoughts here means not giving too much weightage to destructive thoughts, which will be far too many in the beginning.

As you get better at understanding yourself (which takes a lot of time), you’ll start to realize the patterns you’ve accumulated over the years. And it will be rough, and liberating at the same time.

To see yourself as this helpless creature who lived his life pleasing others is no joke. It’s horrifying. But, seeing yourself grow out from this shell will make you feel liberated.

The biggest takeaway in all this: You reconnect with your “SELF.” You discover what it’s like to be “you” again.

You get reunited with your kindred spirit. And the burdens you were carrying for so long starts to… fade away.

The more you spend discovering yourself, the better you’ll get in understanding your emotions.

And that’s all you need to enrich your life. Life is meant to be a fun-filled adventure blossoming into what you’re meant to be, so why not just lay it all down and ride up on the waves.

If anyone of you thinks you know the answers already, you don’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have lost and found your way here. There’s no shame in accepting, just dive into the world within and you’ll find all the answers you’ll ever need to know.

The Path towards Healing

You've never truly find yourself. It's a long journey of being comfortable with your rough edges. Explore, Dream, and be curious.

One day, 5 years ago, I decided I’ve had enough. I was freaking crying that day because nothing was making sense. It was so wrong, all I could think was, “how much someone has to suffer in order to be free?”

I knew no answer, the only thing I knew was that superficial smile, seeking someone to love me for the way I’m, while I could run away from my darkest secrets. What happened back then was a question for a different day, but that day was the beginning of something far more beautiful.

It was difficult. It was frustrating, and the scariest part, It was filled with anxiety for the most part. That journey was one of the most difficult things I could’ve ever walked upon, but now I’m glad I didn’t give in.

So you might be thinking, “So you’re reached there, you know what you want, right?” 

The answer, “NO.” I still get lost, and I still go through moments of anxiety when things don’t work out, or when I feel like I’m in the backseat of life, not in control.

But now I know that I don’t have to be stuck here. I can move, and the rest will work out on its own.

The thing about being lost is that it comes every now and then. Even when you have figured things out, it’ll still pop up every now and then as you sync out of your nature. It’s a navigating mechanism of your heart, don’t be afraid of it. It just means things are not aligned right, or you’re worrying too much about the future or the past.
I do the latter when I’m not in sync, and that is the reason why I’ve started to embrace my present.

The path towards healing is filled with a road of constant ups-and-downs. There will be days when you’ll be more lost than you’d ever been. And then, there will be days when you’ll feel life is in control again.

But remember, we all struggle, we all writhe in pain, we all seek something, and we all yearn to be free. So, don’t let it swallow you up, let it walk you towards the most serene place in your heart, filled with emptiness and trauma, and embrace it. Yes, just embrace it.

The path towards healing is a walk of solace. It’s your own walk, no one can make you reach that place. But there are ways to make the journey easier.

How to find your way again?

1. Remember that you’re human, and you’re not alone.

Knowing that you’re not the only crackhead in the whole world helps a lot. It is so easy to forget that we’re all on the same boat with our own pieces of baggage. Yours might feel heavy, but you never know the burden someone else is carrying through.

It’s easier to get lost among the masses with so much positivity in social media, and so much negativity in real lives. But remind yourself over and over, “you’re not wrong to feel this way.”

Connect with your inner truth and remind yourself of the beauty that’s lying within you.

When it gets rough, breathe in, and remind yourself of the numerous battles you’ve won, or the things you’re most grateful for.
Just remember, you’re not alone.

Journalling allows us to write about the most deepest parts of our lives, our deepest fears without the fear of being judged.

2. Start Journaling

To me, this is a holy grail. This journey is all about exploring yourself and getting out of the patterns you’ve assimilated over the years.

So why not keep a tab of our journey, our feelings? Why not pour everything that we’re going through into a detailed diary that we can reflect back at a moment’s notice? I know it’s hard to start, but no one needs to see it, except you.

So you can be as liberal with your words. You can write anecdotes, poems (I write a lot..), and even the vague feelings you’re feeling. You can also compose it in a third person looking into your day to find others’ perspectives. The thing with journaling is, it allows us to be vulnerable, without the fear of being judged.

If writing doesn’t seem feasible for you, you can also record your feelings and days’ experience on your phone. The point here is to have something to pin your thoughts and feelings in.

3. Meditation and breathing exercises

Meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises are things that bring us closer to nature.

The stillness and silence that meditation provides is something that I’ve found very helpful. It takes us into our own world, into a calm place.
If meditation doesn’t work for you, you can try the following breathing exercises.

If there’s too much noise outside, take out your earphones and play a gentle melody (a classic or those meditation sound videos works as well). Close your eyes, and focus on your breath passing in and out of your nostrils. Have a gentle smile on your face, and for a moment, forget about everything and anything. Just you and your breath. You’ll find your happy place.

Do this several times a day, I tend to focus on 6-10 long, deep breaths until I start feeling good again. I’ll say go for a minute in the beginning, but even if you do it less, there’s no problem as long as you do it several times a day.

I do both, but you can decide what works for you.

4. Find your happy place

It’s tough, right. Without having something to lean back onto when things get rough. We all need a home to go back to.

So, what is it that you love to do? Maybe it’s some alone time wrapped up in a blanket thinking about life. Or it could be reading a book along with a nice cup of tea.

Remember, it’s your happy place. It can be anything as long as it doesn’t become a reason for feeling lost. It should make you feel good, not drain your energy.

5. Explore, Dream and Be Curious

Why not try something new? Reawaken your curiosity, and try out new things.

There are so many things out there for you to learn about. Now here, social media might help you. See the events happening around town, and go there. If you’re busy with work on weekdays, go on weekends. If you don’t find someone to go with, go alone.

Stretch out of your comfort zone and meet new people. Be open to any new beginnings.

And when you go out there, be curious about things. See how it makes you feel, the reason here is to enjoy while being open to new possibilities.

Now you might be thinking, how should I start? Well, here are somethings that I ask myself.

  • That guy/girl posted about Yoga, seems fun. Why not try it out?
  • What are the things I’m afraid of? Why not just do them (I freak out a lot, so it’s a reminder for myself as well)?
  • What are the things I’ve always wanted to do, but couldn’t, due to any reason?
  • Things I’m avoiding that need to change?
  • What is my purpose (A tricky question that needs an elaborative answer on its own)?

6. Being Vulnerable is a Gift

To be vulnerable, ah, what a sweet delicacy it is. It is to access your authentic selves and being comfortable expressing it.

Sounds easy, right, it isn’t. It might be one of the most difficult things ever. I can’t stress that enough.

And as Criss Jami said, “To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”

And I know many of you think and feel, it’s cowardly. To wear your frailty on your arms while waiting for someone to tear it apart is inhumane. I feel otherwise. I want to wear this truth on my sleeves, I don’t want to have a grain of doubt regarding my intentions. Loud and clear.

My truth has been the reason for my being. This is my story, my life, and I want to have no shame in expressing it. Now it doesn’t mean I go around insulting something I don’t feel right about. It just means that I don’t let others define my truth and walk all over me.

Is it scary? Sure it is. But it’s better than living your entire life running away from yourself.

It is a long journey, but it’s so liberating. I still remember the first time I thought about it, I felt good. But when I went out, oh my god, it was so hard. I made all these storylines to get myself out of it, and for a long time, I prevented myself from being truthful.

But whenever I saw someone stating their truth, it doesn’t felt wrong. It even felt attractive to an extent. So why didn’t I do it? The thing is, I was too much fixated on others’ opinions, and being an introvert didn’t help either.

But I started that journey nonetheless. And I’ve never felt bad about it. Have I got into a sticky situation due to it? Yes, but I haven’t regretted it either.

Final Thoughts

Being lost is okay. Trust me on this.

And remember one day you will find your way out for sure. Till then, just keep on finding your inner truth, and wander like a child again.

Don’t stop, that’s all I’ll say. Just keep on moving, wandering, and things will change.

In this entire journey, be gentle with yourself. Remember that child over and over again, and continue moving ahead.

The thing you’ve lost is just right the corner, filled with your own truth, waiting for you. Are you willing to jump along and find it? I sure am.

If you liked the post, share it with your friends and family. Comment below and tell me about your journey and takeaways from the post. I will sure love any valuable feedback.
If you liked this post, you’ll surely like this post I wrote just recently on medium.

You can follow me on my Insta mentioned below, and if you have any questions, just mail me up through my contact page. Any queries will be clarified. If you have any specific topic you want me to write upon, do write it in the comment section below. I’ll try to get to those topics (if they align with this blog) as soon as possible.

I know there isn’t much content on my blog right now (I’m getting there). But, if you want an in-depth understanding of diverse issues regarding Mental Health.
You’ll definitely love these websites (I do) :

  1. Tiny Buddha
  2. Medium

See any typo or incorrect word? Please contact us so that we can fix it.

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Ankit Goel
Ankit Goel
4 years ago

It is really Nice…

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